Lately, I have been reflecting on something I experience as a growing tendency in society. More and more people are struggling financially, and naturally, we begin to be more careful and cut away everything we don’t really need. I do it myself.
I also see what this is doing to businesses, perhaps especially small businesses. I have several friends who are small business owners, and from what I hear and experience, this has been a particularly difficult year for many.
What I find myself reflecting on, however, is the sense of stagnation I am beginning to notice.
When money becomes tight, a scarcity mindset can easily arise. We hold back. We stop exchanging and giving, which in our society very often happens through money, because that is how much of our society is structured.
When so many of us hold back at the same time, something seems to happen to the flow of exchange between us. We may begin to block our own part of that flow.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, we work extensively with the balance between yin and yang. An imbalance between these two energies can lead to stagnant energy, which may develop into tension, myofascial pain, injuries, inflammatory conditions and other issues within the body.
But yin and yang exist in everything around us. Not only within the body, but also within society.
There is a traditional Chinese proverb that says:
“Where there is no movement, there is pain. Where there is movement, there is no pain.”
I believe this is just as relevant on a societal level as it is on a personal level.
And I actually see the stagnation we are experiencing as a warning sign. Not only on a societal level, because it can create waves of scarcity and fear, but also individually, because we may begin to feed limiting beliefs around scarcity and create an imbalance in our relationship with giving and receiving – or perhaps close down to both altogether.
I think some of my own approach to this goes all the way back to my childhood. My mother was a single parent, and when money was tight, she would sometimes do something that might seem a little paradoxical. She would celebrate or somehow make us feel that we had enough. She might give us a present, treat us to something a little extra or create a cosy evening for us.
And somehow, everything always worked out. We never felt that we were lacking anything.
In her own way, she kept the flow going rather than allowing fear to take over.
It taught me something important about giving and receiving. Sometimes we may need to dare to give first in order to receive – and what we receive doesn’t necessarily come back from the same person or the same place.
THE BALANCE BETWEEN GIVING AND RECEIVING
Few of us truly manage to find and maintain a balance between giving and receiving in life, and this can easily create imbalance in our relationships with others, as well as in our relationship with ourselves.
For some, receiving may be experienced as something negative, or even as a sign of weakness. Moreover, many of us have been brought up to be humble – or perhaps to carry a deeper feeling of not being worthy of receiving, which can make it difficult to receive. On the other hand, taking too much or making demands of others can be perceived as greed.
It is a subtle balance, and one we gradually learn to navigate.
TO RECEIVE IS TO GIVE
One essential aspect that many generous people overlook is that receiving, when someone genuinely wishes to give, is in fact a way of giving.
Yes, you give by receiving.
Research suggests that in relationships, the person who gives the most often feels more attached than the one who receives. Giving brings a sense of joy – sometimes even greater than the joy of receiving. It can also create a feeling of connection.
In this way, allowing someone to give is itself a gift, as it gives them the opportunity to experience that joy and connection.
In other words, asking for help – and accepting it when it is offered – can be beneficial for both you and the other person. It is important to remain open and receptive, rather than blocking someone’s energy when they reach out to help. Just because you are capable of managing on your own doesn’t mean that you have to manage everything alone.
By allowing yourself to receive, you may begin to notice that life responds differently.
I experienced this myself on the Camino de Santiago in 2014. I made an agreement with myself to say yes whenever someone wished to share something with me or offer their help in any way. It was my way of facing the humility and shyness within me that had been holding me back.
During my days on the Camino, I found that whenever I needed something, it appeared – sometimes without my even asking. At other times, something unexpected would show up and turn out to be helpful.
Everything worked out, in part because I was open to receiving – and the universe took care of me when I leaned into trust.
In the same way, it is important that we also offer our help and contribute when we see that something is needed. What matters most, however, is that we give because we truly want to – that the impulse comes from the heart, rather than from a sense of obligation, even though the two may sometimes overlap.
The person receiving can often sense the intention behind what is offered, and that intention may matter more than the gift itself.
And perhaps this is particularly important to remember in times when many of us feel the need to hold back.
Giving and receiving isn’t only about money.
We can give our time. Our attention. Our knowledge. Our support. Our encouragement. We can help someone, share something we have created, recommend someone else’s work or simply be there when someone needs us.
And we can allow ourselves to receive when something is offered to us.
I believe that when we give what we can, while remaining open to receiving, something also finds its way back to us. Not necessarily in the same form, from the same person or in the way we imagined.
I believe that the universe will take care of the flow when we dare both to give and to receive.
Perhaps, especially when we experience stagnation around us, we can each do our small part to keep the exchange between us alive.